Musings…

Guilt. I’m constantly consumed by guilt.  Is this just a fact of life as a full-time working mother or is it due to my catholic upbringing?

I call into work sick because I wake up with a sore throat and fever. Guilt consumes me.

I like my job. I’m a teacher. Parents at the parent/teacher conferences told me how happy they were to have me back. I like my baby better than my job, of course, but I do like my job. Guilt consumes me.

I have to work and leave my daughter with babysitters. Guilt consumes me.

This five letter word is not my friend.

Lately I’ve realized I have three full-time jobs and one part-time job:

Mother, teacher, homemaker: Full time

Writer: Part time

As a homemaker, I’d give myself an F. I barely find the time at the end of the day to cook a meal. And my house is a mess.  A DIRTY ROTTEN MESS. So, I hired a housecleaner. They come Friday. I can’t wait. My husband, however, is not happy, but he’s part of the mess and doesn’t clean it, so he can just deal. I have finally decided that I cannot work full time, take care of baby full time, correct papers and plan for school full time, and clean a house. Oh, and by the way, I hate to clean. There, I said it. So I hired a cleaner. So what?!

In the meantime, though, I have to prevent the spread of germs. And guess what?  Bleach destroys sterling silver rings. Hopefully it stops the spread of the stomach bug.

My niece, who was at my house just yesterday, came down with it.  Just great. She’s five months older than my baby and the two of them played with the same toys. If you’re a mother of an infant then you know that means EVERYTHING went in their mouths. Germs included. I contracted a touch of her bug, so I’m hoping and praying Gianna doesn’t too.  And we are all praying for a speedy recovery for poor Ella Bella Boo. She is not a happy camper today.

Finally, when does one find the time to exercise? I love exercise, particularly kickboxing, but lately I’m just too darn TIRED. My goal had been to wake up at 5 a.m. to exercise on the elliptical every morning. I’ve been back to work for a month and it hasn’t happened once. I have exercised, just not regularly. Will I ever be able to do it? Will I ever be able to wake up in the morning to exercise before leaving my house at 6:40 a.m.? I hope so. Fortunately, I’m close to my pregnancy weight and shape, but I’m not there yet. Those last 5lbs-10lbs are not easy to shed.

But back to the guilt thing. Mommies, does it ever end? Are we constantly consumed by guilt over the silliest of things or is it just me? Leave a comment. I’d love to hear what you have to say!

 

 

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